Stranger

I haven’t written in months. I haven’t been myself in years. For the first time in those years, I’ve faced the facts about becoming myself. I’ll have to do it alone. I can’t possibly live my life to the fullest with someone else trying to live their life to the fullest. He asks me today, “Do you think I bring out the best in you? … I don’t.” How am I supposed to react? I’ve been over this relationship for a long time, but getting over a person is much more difficult. I could be happy not having a boyfriend and not being a girlfriend, but I would have a hard time living my life without him. He’s been a big part of my life for years now. I’ve forgotten who I wanted to be. It seems as though all I strive to be is out of trouble. With him. Whether it is not wanting diner at the same time, or not being in the mood for shower, something is always displeasing. I’m convinced it is just me. I would be na├»ve to believe he actually enjoyed me and our relationship. But I’m stuck here. It is a sad truth, but at least I am aware that I have no way out. Not until he can admit he is sick and tired too. I’m going to find a way to cope with this overbearing man and his moods. Because at the end of the day, even though I know I would eventually be OK, he happens to give me the sort of love I deserve. At the end of the day, it will always be me.